so here i am back to reality in good ol Maryland. hmm, i miss the sound of the waves clashing into each other and washing up on the shore :o) but i think a week was good enough for me.

i was able to spend time each day in the Bible and got to read some really good Scripture. i also decided to tackle the book of Job and read from there til Songs of Songs. i gotta tell ya, i did not expect Job to be so complicated!! but i do understand that the man is struggling to stand firm on his faith after losing everything he had. God has a conversation with Satan and allows Satan to take away anything he wants from Job, as long as he does not harm Job himself. this whole book is essentially testing Job's faith and what he secures his life in.

many times, i've had friends tell me to read this book, because every time i go to them with a struggle, it always seemed like God was "taking away" something of mine that i held onto dearly or valued highly. and i was also frustrated that it seemed like God left me to fend for myself.

this just came to mind, but have you ever heard of the saying that goes something like, "a poor man is considered rich"? or something along those lines where you don't have to have anything desirable or be wealthy to be satisfied in life? well i guess in one way this book is about that.

if God had the power to simply tell Satan he can take away anything he wanted from Job, then he obviously could have just let Satan take away Job's life as well. but thankfully, He didn't. now, i have not read the whole book, nor am i even halfway. the book is like thirty some chapters and little old me is still tackling chapter 18. heh.

life is so precious, it's taken for granted. when you look at how Americans run their lives and the expectations of America and what it takes to be "successful" then in the bigger picture sense, life is really not valued as priority. what i mean by "life" is that it's just not being lived out in a purposeful way. yea, it's great to be working every day to be financially stable, but does it really shape you as a person? your mind? allow you to think outside the box?

sometimes simply being able to take a walk around the neighborhood and take in that summery air can be life. God took all of the materialistic things that Job had and all that made him "happy" and comfortable, with a good societal status and even his family! He didn't want to waste time and so He was instead very direct with Job in telling him, "hey, you've got Me." Job had acknowledged God for all that He had blessed him with, but maybe it was "in the moment" because he was happy with where God had him and being able to prosper off of all His gifts.

now that Job is alone, is he still thankful? is He still acknowledging God as the Almighty and One who blesses all His Children? where i'm at in the book, Job is frustrated (i think? the language is sometimes too complicated, but i'm pretty sure that's the gist). he's wondering why God isn't punishing those who have turned away from Him. how if he has done all that God has wanted him to do, and has acknowledged God and a faith in Him, why God is still "punishing" him.

i look at it as a way of how God can bring peace into our lives. keep the chaos down to a minimum. there are so many times where i have so much crap on my computer or so many papers in my binder, i wish i could just throw them all out instead of sorting through what stuff i need and what is really junk. maybe God's just simplifying my headache and just telling me to spend time on what really matters and toss the whole binder away, i don't know, :o)

personally, there are things in my life that i still want to keep ahold of. and every time i talk to God, i tell Him that i wish to either let these things go or to at least not make them priority over Him. as much as i want to get one or the other of these two things to happen, my humanness does not let me. i get distracted and frustrated and in turn my faith is either stagnant or i end up backtracking. even though it was hard because he was caught off guard, i wouldn't mind being Job.

i simply want to be in a state of being where i am just in awe of who God is and what He can do in my life when He's all i have. take this summer for example. i'm up at school by myself and it can be so lonely at times that i feel like a loser. my friends are away at camp or some are back home. it sucks. so there are times when i don't have any work to do, that i'm sitting on my bed staring at the wall and wondering what i can do til it's time for bed or whatever.

i'm so glad that God has in a way, taken away all my friends, my job, my summer (because of classes), my family, InterVarsity, etc. it's such a different dynamic from what i'm used to, which is exactly the point. no more being in my comfort zone or being able to go to people that i always go to for counsel or company. it would be so hard for me to discipline myself in just spending time with God. i love being in company with someone else. and i am grateful that God is there assisting me in my struggles and in turn blessing me with so much wisdom in His Word. it truly is Grace.

instead of staring off into space or wondering who i can call to hang out or talk to, i'm just in bed underlining verses and listening to my Christian music. i pray out loud. i reflect on what God has been doing in my life thus far, even just in the day. i've been able to be humble about going directly to Him with my struggles, not just telling someone else. i find that in my weakness, He really does make me strong.

looking into the future, when it's been about when i'll be in a relationship or whatever, i don't know. there's just so much for me to do already. i still have school, a new home church to plug away at, to grow closer with my friends as we move in together next year, and simply to live day to day for God and to enjoy every second of it. recently, i was just thinking that, yea, it would be cool to be in a relationship, but it's only if that's what God would like to bless me with. because that's when it's appropriate and timely in my life. essentially, i cannot really put into words as to how comforting and a privilege it is to not be in control of running my life. i'd go crazy with the things i deal with. and it is so amazing that i have come to know a Father who has sacrificed all He had to take care of me and help me every step of the way in the time i've been given here.

when i go back into the swing of things after the summer, i sure hope i can continue being the Job that cries out to God for help. and i hope that He will continually make my chaos slow down and help keep me in line, out of trouble, and most importantly, keep me focused on this amazing journey.