hands down

God has been stirring and stirring in my heart. and i know that He has me in the right place, at the right time...with the right people.

i am so so so blessed and in awe every day when i realize who i have in my life, how much they have changed my love for the Lord, and how much they truly care for me.

>_<

with 15 minutes before class, i was in a parking lot jam.....this car kept backing in and out of its spot to get out, but was afraid it didn't have enough room. even i was like "come on!! just get out!!"....there were soooo many cars going in and out of the lot...

when the car FINALLY got out, i found out it was an asian driver...dang it.

so if i can drive..am i truly white afterall?? hrm....hah

God is so good

"It has been well said that no man ever sank under the burden of the day. It is when tomorrow's burden is added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear. Never load yourselves so, my friends. If you find yourselves so loaded, at least remember this; it is your doing, not God's. He begs you to leave the future to Him and mind the present."

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

fear of man....

i usually encourage my friends to not fear man. to not fear about being made fun of just because they follow Christ. to not fear when they don't feel like they "fit" in with a certain crowd..God wants them! to not fear attempting to be "perfect" for others so they would like them more or appreciate them more.

fear of man.

well the biggest struggle when it comes to fearing man for me, is that i tend to not know how to say "no" to things. regardless of whether i want to do the specific service or not, i could end up doing too much, and that wouldn't be good either. i'm afraid of letting down others. fearing they'd be mad or disappointed that i said "no" and this being different if i were to say i couldn't due to a time conflict or location conflict. if i have the time and ability to do something, no matter what it is...i end up saying "yes"

fear of man

God has brought to light how much i don't like being a part of InterVarsity anymore. i've only come to get to know ONE person for the two years that i have been there..to honestly go to this person and tell her my struggles. someone i trust. someone who has actually wanted to spend time with me. that's genuine fellowship. i love serving through worship because that's how i see God, that's how God changes me..through worship. the music, the vulnerability. everything about it makes my heart skip a beat. if it weren't for serving in worship at InterVarsity, i wouldn't have stayed so long.

i've given it a pretty fair chance to see how it can help and encourage me as far as fellowship and the messages to apply to my life and faith, but i end up being there after worship in a bad attitude because i just keep sinning through judging this group. how their sermons are really boring or not applicable at all. how their sermons say they do this and that, but in honesty from what i've seen, there has been no physical action within the group. and that frustrates me.

i love my home church too much now. i want to be able to serve and commit my time there. with going back and forth with the girls on Tuesday nights for caregroup and attending church on sundays, i want to be able to do more in helping this Body of Christ grow! and i am so willing to be a part of that!

and i love the girls so much. it's been SUCH a blessing for me to be where i've been patiently (and through many tears) waiting for God to bring me to.

this is it

as soon as the girls and i decided to live together, even before we went apartment hunting and all, i prayed constantly. i prayed that God would equip me and show me how i could serve, love, and care for each of these girls. a humbly prayer perhaps. and now that we are finally living together, this prayer should be able to blossom abundantly! but alas, it has not been able to as much as it has the potential to.

why?

because due to committing with worship, i've had to miss two days of the week to do InterVarsity stuff instead of sitting down and eating dinner, laughing, and chitchatting with the girls. as soon as we all get ready to eat dinner, i am about to head out the door. what kind of serving is that to the girls?

how was i allowing God to shape my heart and my love for these girls to serving them in all ways if i was never physically there? i wasn't allowing my prayer to be answered. for me to see God work through my life and planting the steps towards my future without being an active vessel.

how could i do it?

so this week i am confronting the worship band of my dismissal. not only am i feraing that i am letting them down as i am the only one playing guitar, but it's also because last year i already said i would commit to this year. and also, i don't know who is going to step up to take my place..so in essence, i would feel bad.

feeling bad (and miserable at the InterVarsity meetings) in sacrifice for freedom, true joy, true fellowship, and being able to actively serve my family here in the apartment and at church...

not quite the deal is it?

glory

love church

love caregroup

love Aisle 5

love my girls

love my rats

love my family

love the trusting, honest, sweet handful of girls i call Sisters in Christ

love Charlie

love my God

hello semester!!

giving the apartment a name has made it officially sink in that the school year is set in motion!!!!!!

we are....Aisle 5 girls!!! woooooooooot! and we have all made it through our first week of school!!! and we have off monday for Labor Day..more time to do all that reading! eek!

this semester will definitely challenge me to read His Word everyday, as God should be the only One who sustains me and gives me peace. also with worship leading, caregroup, and church!! also i am going to start serving in church soon..so that'll be another commitment! at the moment, i am also looking for a job that can work with my schedule.

God, please equip me to love and serve everyone in my life the way You plan it..especially the Aisle 5 girls and my caregroup girls.