"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."-C.S. Lewis

Faith in Jesus does not guarantee that everything will go your way

"for his compassions never fail. His mercies are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness" -lamentations 3:22-23

"Although he causes grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone."-Lamentations 3:32-33

my God i want to cry. i want to just fall on my knees before You. i can't believe that i have been fighting so much sin these past few days. i can't do it on my own, no matter how much i want to change things. this world is the ultimate battle field. i need new Armor. new Sword. renewed Strength and Courage. thank You for prayers. thank You for showing me fellowship tonight. what unity means. what a family means and is to look like when it is held together by Your Love.

what Grace and Mercy is made to look like as we pour it out onto others. as we humbly serve others.

surrender

God...i know You're out there somewhere.

i'm at Your feet, begging You to help me see. to help me let go and conquer these fears. help me keep my eyes focused on You. in the right direction.

keep my heart afloat

if you wanted to say that i was not concentrating on my paper because i am thinking about OBX..you'd be SO right.

procrastination is a killer.and now that i don't have a job, perhaps i can make my summer even MORE productive along with school. hrm. and of course, plan for the new crib and everything going on for the Fall.

my new laptop kicks butt. SO going to stop by Dunkin to get breakfast and coffee for my roadtrip tomorrow morning!!! i can't believe i get to leave really early to head down NC now! packing is half complete.

yes, i will come back with a HAWT tan. it's guaranteed in my blood.

simply because i'm asian

"for I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."-Jeremiah 29:11-14

my friend Jessica really likes this verse. i think it's always the "the verse" to give to others or to look up yourself when there's questioning of the future and despair in hoping and trusting in our Father God. i understand what this verse means, but it is always the application that speaks volumes about your faith and what you have allowed God to teach you.

well today would be that kinda day :o)

it marks my first session of summer classes being over. i ended up with a B- for one class, and also aced my final in my second class..but still got a paper to write for it. a 10 pager that is before OBX, blech! but it was such a nice day to really chat it up with the other classmates and professors since it was the last day. then i walked my friend's dog Barkley. SO nice outside :o) got uber excited going home to MoCo to see the madre and get my oil change. decided it was definitely a McD sweet tea kinda day and enjoyed it during the drive home.

ma and i saw some houses in gaithersburg today. unfortunately we were doing this without an agent so we didn't get to see the inside of these houses. though it was definitely an adventure to find them! we got lost trying to find our third one, so we decided to just leave and turn my car in for the oil change.

while waiting for my car, ma and i walked over to grab a bite at Wendy's. if you don't know already, Wendy's has a GREAT deal right now..buy any combo and you get a small Frosty for 25 cents! like how crazy is that?!?! and trust me..a small is exactly the right size for a good junk food dessert.

there were many laughs and stories shared between the two of us. and of course, there is always interchangeable cantonese and english in the mix. sometimes, i'll even just be speaking english while she just responds in cantonese. haha. i love being bilingual man :o)

one of our conversations involved talking about what my future plans were as far as job and the new apartment. i was first telling her what great timing it was that my rent for next month has come in a week before it's due for the first time. this was great because i just realized it would be crazy trying to figure out how to make a money order when i've already left for OBX to send to my roommates. well God definitely told me not to worry about that today :o) SO weird. that has never happened before. the rent always comes in a day or two before the month is up.

then i got telling my ma how excited i was for the cheaper rent and how all the girls are from church and that two of them went to towson with me. i started telling her how i wanted to start looking for a new job in the area of the new apartment because the drycleaners was nowhere close. and i definitely would not be able to handle that job for more than the summer anyway. so i told her i would quit it by the end of august, but if i had found a new job, i would quit even earlier.

just as we were walking back to the car shop, i get a phone call from a number i did not recognize. it happened to be my boss. unfortunately i got laid off today. he said there just has not been enough business. i mean, half the time i am there everyday, i am sitting on my butt wishing there was something to do. and i felt bad that i was being paid really doing nothing. there is too much staff there and they are always sitting on their butt too. i guess as the newest one there, it's no surprise they'd let me go first either.

i tell my mom of the news as we are driving home. i had the BIGGEST smile on my face because for some reason this Jeremiah verse was SO vivid in my mind. and i suddenly understood it. this verse had came alive right before my eyes in a matter of minutes. and the most amazing thing was that i was able to share just how awesome, loving, and powerful God is to my mom. she was able to see second hand what had happened and i was able to simply, freely tell her "God listens and watches mom!"

i am the least bit upset. i was preparing to switch over to a new job anyway...but i just realized that if i got laid off from a job i've already had for months, i'm sure it will be even harder to find a new job from scratch. oh boy.

like many times, and yet still feeling like a "first," i learned and experienced what it means to trust God. in His Power. that everything is already planned out by Him. our scribbles in our daily planners are merely rough drafts.

i saw who You are today. You were there with me.

tick tock

so bored, can nap at the moment....

2 days til end of classes
4 days til OBX
13 days til new summer classes
34 til it's officially SUMMER
43 days til mama's bday
59 days til Fall year
60 days til new apartment!

i called, You answered

and I Will Rise when he calls my name
no more sorrow,no more pain
i will rise,on eagle's wings
before my God fall on my knee
and rise
i will rise
-"I Will Rise" Chris Tomlin

"ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened."-Matthew 7:7-8

my God, my God..how You have truly, truly blessed me. i am in such awe right now. who knew 5 weeks would go by so fast and now i am approaching my last week of my first session of classes...i am working off of two hours of sleep due to an all-nighter with homework!!!!! what the heck man?!

but i just can't WAIT to go to the Outer Banks. i am SO excited for the roadtrip down there..it's one of my fav states :o) and to be out in the sun and on the beach for a goooooood tan!

today marks my graduation from Starting Point, which is the membership class thing everyone has to go through at Covenant Life if they are interested in becoming a member and getting involved. i have to say, i have never looked forward to today as much as i ever. i just kept smiling as i drove to church and smiled even BIGGER on the way home even though i am tired.

9 patiently waited out weeks for this...actually more for me because i had to make up some!!!!! but man, oh man. how awesome! i was thinking in the car ride home what to write about..i've been having trouble choosing what to share since so much has happened in the past week!! but i think sharing the joy i have now that i have a church to call home is as amazing as any other story i would tell :0)

looking back, it's been almost four years since i came to faith. freshman year, i used to walk with a group of kids to the nearby church at school since none of us could have cars yet. those were good times. but then when there was thanksgiving, winter, and spring break..i'd pretty much dwindle in my faith because it was so hard to keep at it with my new walk alone here at home. it's a totally different world here and i never felt so discouraged.

i would come home, lock myself in my room with my dog and we'd just listening to worship music while i read my Bible. and everytime, i would wonder and ask God, "when will i find a church here at home to grow so i don't fall away?"

i had found a pretty good church sophmore year when i met a girl that was going to be a freshman at Towson. she lived by me at home and we decided to meet at her church. who woulda knew that it was a church in Germantown, where my mom works! and by the Grace of God, it was a church i was used to from the churches i had been to at Towson. the Pastor captivated me and challenged me with the way he spoke the sermons.

i never sat with the girl or anything, so soon enough, i felt lonely. it was weird to just sit there with no one to talk to and not having met anyone there yet. i felt discouraged that it seemed as if i had not made any progress in the social department after going to this church for a good while.

junior year, i stopped going and had been just jumping around from church to church whether it was at Towson or at a friend;s local church. i wasn't sure where i was to fit in and how to really get plugged in with serving and all. i felt lost, and empty because what i thought church would give me, i was not receiving.

who knew it would only take this past school year for my Father to bless me with two girls (Lena and Charity) that came to InterVarsity one night to lead me to their church. when i first met these two girls, i was already excited by finding out they were from MoCo AND close by to where i lived. they were so excited in sharing with me about their church and how they were involved. i was somewhat nervous, but i asked Lena if i could check out their church with them one Sunday. man, i remember this night like it was yesterday. i can't thank God enough for how welcoming Lena was for letting me sit with her and her family when we finally planned a day for me to come to church.

since mid January, i had been sitting with Lena and her family every Sunday. she'd invite me out to all these lunch outtings with other people i would meet and show me around the church. it didn't take me long to make the decision of really committing to this church. the sermons were really encouraging, the music....took some getting used to, the people there are so nice, and i knew these two girls from school would be there as company.

as i had been growing to know the church more, i had also been growing and spending more time with these two girls at their apartment. i finally decided to take the membership classes because i have been anxious to serve at a church. there is just so much i want to do! for these 9 weeks i missed out on sitting with Lena in the second service and had to get my butt up even earlier! it was a challenge, but it has paid off!

i feel like i am on Cloud 9. i've met my sweet Pastor. i've gotten to know more girls at the church..some who i am living with along with Lena and Charity next year. but these girls have made such an impact on my growth this year..it's incredible. i can't even put into words right now. i CANNOT wait to meet up with my Pastor again to plug me into a caregroup and start serving wherever God leads me. aaaaaaaaaaand about that Baptism thing..hrm. haha, makes me nervous just thinking about it! i am so excited to have the opportunity to spend even more time with these girls at our new apartment next year and also on our carrides to and from caregroup and such. it's gonna be a blast and a growing experience.

i can pretty much say, this is the start of a new chapter in my life. with church under my belt, two summer classes almost done, OBX for the first time, a new computer, a (sometimes) decent job, FINALLY a prayer answered--being able to live with a Christian roommate..and God exceeded by giving me four of them!! slowly trying to get back into fellowship, my faith has been a lot stronger--reading in the Bible a lot more and being diligent in prayer. my relationship with my brother is so special to me. we've established hugs now and then this past year. and it is so amazingly sweet. my mom, brother, dog, and i are all entering a new chapter together as of July when we are now preparing to move into a smaller house, somewhere in Germantown or Gaithersburg. i just found out the papers are finalized in July. sighs. it's gonna be bittersweet, but it's time to move on. i know i've been ready. and i know the rest of the summer and in the next year or two, this new chapter will require A LOT of faith, trust, and hope in Christ.

please keep this in your prayers....

"though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.."-Ecc. 4:12

monday, monday

well wasn't today just flippin HOT?!?!?! sighs, Comcast is a pain and always feeling like you need a shower is an inconvenience.

i feel like such a bum right now. the sun has worn me out. i have been in the car more, driving from place to place than getting to sit outside or whatever. i need to figure out what is making my car smell so bad and vaccuum.

until then, i am enjoying a Yuengling, my dog, a movie, journaling, and reading :o) Towson in the a.m. two of the girls are off on their adventure today :-( but they will be so worn out by the end of the summer, they'll be happy to see me :-D

so excited about going to the Outer Banks for the first time!! eeeeeeek!

here i rest my weary soul...

"but seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own."-Matthew 6:33-34

God, everyday i think about if i will make it to the next day with the money i make, the amount of school i'm doing, with every action and word i say to each person.

is it enough?

i have been talking to a few friends about money because they are worrying about either finding a job to pay for rent and such or if they are making enough while juggling family and school at the same time. well folks, this is what it means to be a grown up. i know, it stinks. i wish i was just a wee little asian, in my diapers and getting everything i wanted just by crying or "being cute." and the best part being, i didn't have to change my own stinky diaper! but look at me now, 22, in summer school and working 15 boring hours at a drycleaners, barely making ends meet to pay for rent and bills. oi. if i could, i would take a million jobs plus school. i'd be saying to life "BRING IT ON!" to its face right now too. in the shortcoming (and world view) money may seem the most important. it will take away the worry and you can be able to buy what you supposedly "need."

but in Matthew 6, we are told that it is impossible to please and serve both God and money. how could we have been so silly to follow after something temporary and meaningless in God's eyes while praying and constantly pursuing a closer relationship with Him through faith and trust? we obviously are putting God in a box in this area of our lives. we're not trusting Him enough that He will come through with the money, or even things we could get as gifts or whatever.

i know it would be obvious to be thankful for parents because they support you from the moment you were conceived until you get a full time job (maybe even longer than that.) but it really hit me that i wouldn't have what i do and be where i am without my mom. i can't stress that enough. she is a one woman army. only friends growing up have been over my house and have met her. but she is definitely my hero. God, mom, bro, and a few others. i wouldn't be able to get to wherever i wanted if she didn't graciously buy me a car (even when i was a total brat about it.) i definitely would not be in school right now if i was paying it by myself. a lot of friends and just people i have met are paying school off with loans and such (you are pretty much awesome on my list because of that!) i'd really like to be done with school soon so i can really dive into a career and make something of myself. be able to buy whatever my mom wants, take care of her without her having to take care of me anymore.

and all my mom does everyday is work, work, and work! then she sits at home in front of the t.v.with the dog as company. i know it wouldn't add up to what she has done for me, but i always wish that i had more time for her. i always feel selfish for being away at school, enjoying church on my own, or always going out to be with friends. i wish i could just plop myself down in our comfy couch in my pjs and be with her.

mama.me.cantonese movies.white cheese sbarros.and saraku japan

i've been putting a lot more pressure on myself to do better in life. school. being a daughter. and being a child of God. there's so much unknown of the future even though there are things we have "planned" out. but just by His Intervention, those so called "plans" fall through and you end up starting back at nothing.

i, at many times, have started back at nothing. just a few days ago i felt like that. and i have cried about it. it somewhat seems silly when i should be looking at what i have been blessed with...but i don't know, fear took place of me being not "good enough" or a failure.

Father, i want to trust in Your Word. i don't want to be reading it as devotion without anything sinking into my heart and changing the way i think, speak, and act. i am not a flower nor bird. i am Your daughter who You love truly and deeply because You sent Your Son to die in my place. You already know my life as it goes on from day to day. You know my weaknesses and my strengths. You can easily take away what i enjoy and/or provide more gifts. You know me better than i do for you know my future plans.

now, why are His Children worrying about money if He's got us right in His Arms?

this is true love...

My Child,

Not only can I hear you, but I know everything about you. (Psalm139:1) I know when you sit down and when you rise up. (Psalm 139:2) I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:3) Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:29-31) For you were made in My image. (Genesis 1:27) In Me, you live and move and have your being. (Acts 17:27-28)

For you are My offspring. (Acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you, when I planned creation. (Ephesians 1:11-12) You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book. (Psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth, and where you would live. (Acts 17:26) You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13) And brought you forth on the day you were born. (Psalm 71:6) I have been misrepresented by those who don't know Me. (John 8:41, 42, 44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) And it is My desire to lavish My love on you. Simply because you are My child, and I am your Father. (1 John 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. (Matthew 7:11) For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48)

Every good gift that you receive, comes from My hand. (James 1:17) For I am your provider, and I Meet all your needs. (Matthew 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalm 139:17-18) And I rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you. (Jeremiah 32:40) For you are My treasured possession. (Exodus 19:5) I desire to establish you with all My heart, and all My soul. (Jeremiah 32:41) And I want to show you great and marvelous things. (Jeremiah 33:3) If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find Me. (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4) For it is I, who gave you those desires. (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21) For I am your greatest encourager. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) And nothing will ever separate you from My love again. (Romans 8:38-39) I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father. (Ephesians 3:14-15)

Love,
Your Heavenly Father