You found me

God has put it in my heart to have a passion for serving and meeting the needs of others. sometimes it can be tiring, but it is so rewarding to see the fruit that comes from it because God blessed me with the skills to fulfill these tasks.

i am passionate about each one of my relationships. i am grateful for them and i learn from them. recently God has brought to me a couple of Godly women in my life. i don't think i have ever been able to ask so many questions about faith and about God Himself. i mean, i always have had questions, but it is SO freeing to know that these women will listen and answer with such wisdom and grace.

sometimes my own fallback catches me offguard and begins to make me feel insecure about myself. as to how i am as a friend. what is my value in the relationship? when will this relationship be more than just the surface level stuff? when will God allow my heart to grow closer to a Sister in Christ? or maybe it's when will a Sister truly love me for everything that i am?

so i'm trying my best to keep waiting and trusting God in this area of my life....

during the conference that i came back from, there was a guy that said something pretty thought provoking. "i know that God loves me, but sometimes i find myself asking Him, 'God, do you like me?'"

more than anything i want to love my God, Savior, Friend, and Father with all of my heart, soul, strength, and mind.

i just want You to like me too. heh

once in a while, i'll admit to being exhausted....today is one of those days. it probably has something to do with the fact that every morning i've had to get up around 7 or 8 to get somewhere at 9. and working yesterday, then meeting jessica and lena at their apartment to help out move EVERYTHING out the rest of the day. it seriously didn't stop until midnight.

girls, we DON'T need boys to do the heavylifting!! aah! hahaa

so today i got up around 7ish from MoCo cause of the moving and drove back to Towson for work at 9. blaaaaah. usually when i do this trip in the morning from my house, i go to the nearby starbucks to enjoy a cup of coffee during my drive :o) lately i have been really loving Switchfoot's "Dare You to Move" they are a Christian band, but they are more mainstream-ish. when you listen to the lyrics, you realize that the message is all about Salvation and living your life for Christ. :o):o) this song, being on the radio ages ago always was a good song to me. but it never spoke to me the way it has been. so today, on the way to Towson while sippin on some starbucks, i had this song on repeat. everytime the chorus came on i just had this BIG smile on my face. halfway to my destination, i had tears rolling down my face because of the excitement for what is to come. all the things God has planned for me to look forward to.

being a member of Covenant Life Church, getting plugged into a caregroup there, meeting my pastor, getting summer school to move along, getting ready to move out and move into a new apartment with a handful of Godly women, and preparing to move out of the house in MoCo with the mom and bro. SO many things happening.

but most of all,realizing and admitting to myself out loud this morning that God truly, deeply loves me......and i don't deserve a lick of it.

so work was busy, as usual. and so time went by fast :o) went back to my apartment, got some stuff together and headed out to run some errands before heading back to MoCo: dropped off the girls' keys for them, got gas, and got a free car wash as a bonus! ^_^

i really need to do something about me driving in the afternoon. you would think that people start getting sleepy behind the wheel at night time, which for me can sometimes be true...but i think the sun and heat and just doing things all day get me really tired driving all the way back home in the afternoon. which is a sad thing because i always go back and forth during the afternoon, oi ve -_-'

anyway, more praising God for who He is and how much He gives on a day to day basis and more faith and confidence in my prayers because He listens and will answer. Amen

soldiers, move out!

i have to say, this week has been rather productive....finished my first week of summer school (eh, it's so so) cleaned my room :o), got through work today and THEN helped my friends lena and jessica move out of their apartment. let's just say, i have never had to help anyone really move their stuff because everytime i am living with someone, it's not really a close friend.

luckily i don't have a lot of stuff at my apartment when i have to move out...and most of it is in boxes already because i CANNOT wait til next year to come already!!!! helping the girls move in to the new crib will be an exciting time. so, we've planned to work out together next year, looks like we got a preview of our hardcoreness today =P

by Your Grace can we be able to humble ourselves before others and serve them in their needs and meet them where they are...

...

by Your Grace...teach me to trust

"for i am His, and He is mine...."

contemplative much?

so i realize i am very very fortunate to have picked up a new job so quick!! even though it is at a drycleaners, "beggers can't be choosers"..so they say. but what about God? can't He choose for us? can't He leave us desperate, in need of money for food, tuition, and such? maybe He wants us to choose, but to choose wisely. and for it to be on His trust and wisdom. hmm..ya know, i would have never thought of this little bit if i hadn't included the whole "beggers" thing, haha.

but speaking of the job, it is so laid back, that i find my mind always wandering, searching, and bringing my spirit at peace. so today, i was thinking about the past. i find it that a lot of times we all bring the past into our present, which would in turn hurt our future. we bring it back more so in a negative way...like "why did i do that? i regret" "my past makes me into a worse person and now i can't take it back" "fill in the blank" you know the gist. but what about if we think of the past as a stepping stone? take power and NOT let the past dominate what is now. wouldn't that just be great? and guess what? we can all do that...right now. at this very moment.

so it struck me today at work...that i should let go of the past. what's done is done. i shouldn't carry the luggage packed from one trip to another. the clothes should be clean, renewed. the only time we should keep mind of the past, is when it is there to help us grow. so stop dwindling about the past and allow it to stop you from pursuing the next step forward.

the most amazing and beautiful thing about my present and future is...that God has accepted me as His own.

how could i possibly look to the past for that kind of satisfaction?

"Coming to Terms" by Carolina Liar

oh no, it’s not me

i just forgot to tell you

didn’t mean, it seems obscene

we just lost track along the way

i’m coming to terms

i’m starting to learn

this ain’t all it’s cracked up to be

cause i’m using you, you’re using me

it’s never as easy as we believe

cause this hurts, i can’t leave

i understand, but can you?

i’m just scared, you’re lonely

everyone knows you’re better than me

i’m coming to terms

i’m starting to learn

this ain’t all it’s cracked up to be

cause i’m using you, you’re using me

it’s never as easy as we believe

is this what you need?

am i what you need?

i’m coming to terms

i’m starting to learn

this ain’t all it’s cracked up to be

cause i’m using you, you’re using me

it’s never as easy as we believe ......

it's the strangest thing when i find myself listening to a song over and over again. it just keeps hitting me. that knife through the chest feeling. i don't know what it is about this song..but it makes me hurt. makes me realize. is making me think. is making me turn my head the direction i am running away from. you know that dramatic scene in every movie when there's wind in the face and the character catches their breathe and looks back with those eyes.

boys and girls, it is the end of the semester!! i'm looking through all my Facebook friends' status and whatnot and ALL of my Freshman classmates are graduating this week. kinda strange that i feel left behind.

it's okay.

we all get to run through the finish line when it's our time.

i'm not quite sure why i decided to make a new blog again. but it's the excitement of just tapping away at a few letters here and there, sharing my thoughts, my experiences with the world. but more importantly just letting it out as conversation to Him.

i thank You for helping me get through this semester. it hasn't been as rough academically as it has been with family strife. where would i be without You? without the handful of girls who You've brough into my life to keep me sane? sometimes when i don't see something apparent in my life to proclaim Your Greatness, i can easily turn and look at one of these girls and tell myself i am so silly to think You're not here with me. with us.

Father, i guess i'm at a point in my life where i want to give everything over. seriously. i'm cutting off the ties that held me down.

i'll keep running with my hair in the wind, but this time, i'm looking forward. to what's ahead.