man, it is WILD to see how things have turned up/turning up in these few weeks.
i feel like literally since that long week i was in Daytona (which i only had planned to stay for the weekend, but stayed til the following wednesday) God has been constantly mending my heart, and as i had been challenged by so many, to HEAR HIS VOICE. well, i am hearing Him, and today, especially, i have heard Him LOUD.
that thursday night when i had been at the hotel by myself for two nights, i had a nice first day and awesome morning/afternoon on Thursday, just spending time with Jesus, but Satan completely trashed it when out of nowhere my brother's friend started this whole conversation and made me realize how worthless i was. and yeah, it may just be to the human eye, but i had to wonder "is this the way God is valuing me too? is He agreeing with these people, and is this why i feel like i am being mistreated?" i was so vulnerable and alone...my experience getting settled into Florida, has been a bit slower than i really wanted...and i can also say that Tallahassee really isn't the best first place for one to get used to a whole state, culture shock, lifestyle. to be perfectly honest. and yes, granted i have been praised that it was such a "brave thing to do" leaving my family and having no one here in Tally and just here for "no (aka) God's reason"...it's been something i've viewed more as stupidity than bravery. and when you are also just a loner in a boring city; not knowing where the cool places to hang out, or plugging into a church...this experience or risk, can really damage your vision or expectations of this place..and even at many times, make me question my purpose in life and how to be able to admit that "yes, in these things, i am glorifying God." there were times of pride--where i did not want God to take reign in things. times when i did not see God's Hands in situations here and back home in MD. i just did not allow my heart to fully embrace God like i have said with words... times of thinking i needed to achieve something in a certain way, known as perfection. my family has been a second god to me. especially my mom, since she is all i have closest to me, and the one who is the most lost and suffering the most. she is not the "all powerful, all knowing" god that we know as the one, true God. but she is the god who feeds off of my strength and my abilities. the one who becomes big in my life especially in the moments when she's persecuting and causing the biggest "acts" where one feels sorry or guilted to fix.
a friend (courtney) who had been in my bible study/caregroup in MD, was only in MD for a bit, as she was from TX and moved up here to live with a family (who was from her church down there) whose husband was in the pastor's college (being held at my church). as time went on, i got to know her pretty well, and was a part of her accountability group. as i was forming this big move, i was praying to God for preparation, etc. it turned out that when i had the clear take off to come down, i was leaving just a few short weeks before Courtney had to move back to TX. during her time in MD, she had also been praying/asking for a temporary job while she was here, serving this family. one of the girls from our CG, had given her contact info of her work place because they were hiring. well withing days, Courtney got this job, and had been working there since she went home.
fast forward to now, where Courtney and i are now in different states, i had kept in touch with her. i had been filling her in on FL and all things, and she had been praying for me. i was telling her how i was discouraged about not finding the right church or friends or a job...well she asked me for my address, and she had googled a near by church for me to check out. and the next day (being Thursday) was the night they had College/Career Age bible study. i ended up only able to go starting the following week, cause the next day, i went to the church thinking it was held there, but it was not, and i did not have any contact information about the Study. so when i finally was able to attend, i got to meet some pretty nice people, and also their church, Grace, has been one of the churches i am still attending right now, and figuring out if that is where i want to be. anyways, so that night, it was guys/girls meeting, so i got to introduce myself to the girls, and was telling them i have been looking for a job and just trying to get to know people. funny enough, one of the girls spoke up and gave me contact information on her company, because they were hiring. it made me think of Courtney and her first visit to my Bible Study and how this happened to her too! well this job was one that made me take an SAT test. well they made me wait forever for the results, and that was just to schedule me for an interview and at the interview, i was required to take the same test again...and THEN they would decide if they wanted to hire me.
well when i was in Daytona that week of VBS and all that mess from the hotel, i had gotten word that i did not get the job or interview at all, and that was just another discouragement on top of everything else that was beating me down. but seriously, that Sunday, being at Sunrise and Sov. Grace--all those worship songs and messages and passage readings, they were SO relevant and were little showers of love God was sending down to me. and also that Sunday, at service, just standing up there in the front during prayer; and having all these people i barely knew or talked to, come up and pray for me because they said they had an impression from God to, just really left me speechless. and that was also the time, when my friend's mom, out of nowhere and what seemed like the crowd had separated to each side for her to come through and walk towards me, prayed for me. it was just incredible..
Ben, the guy who leads the college B.S. had mentioned to me that if i really just wanted any job, to apply to Chick Fil A, where a guy (Brian) from Grace is a manager. and so i asked Ben for his contact information, and emailed him a couple times. well on 6/25/12, i met Brian and filled out an application. i ended up getting to interview with him and another manager the same day, which apparently was rare, but since Brian was gonna be out of town, and the other manager was there, he wanted to get this done before he left. GOD divine!! haha. Brian had said he would call me later that day, but i never heard from him, so i assumed he was not interested. a few weeks later, i end up at his house, hanging out with one of the girls from Bible Study, his wife, and their kids. he came home from work, and brings up my interview and asks me if i was still interested and the reason why he hadn't gotten back to me was because he had been trying to get in touch with the owner to visit the interviewees.---totally God answered, because i wanted to bring it up to Brian, but didn't know how, and He totally moved him to speak up first, and it gave me encouragement that this job was still possible.
he calls me a week later, and tells me he is still trying to get in touch with the owner to come by, and would call me later that day. but he didn't. i was discouraged again that i had been waiting on this one job for awhile, hoping it would be THE one, and yet no answer...also, at this time i had been applying to TONS of other things and didn't hear back, or got no's. it was finally this past wednesday, a day ago, Brian calls me and asks me if i would be free to meet the owner today, thursday. so i obliged.
since the week i went down for VBS, i had been debating if i should take a trip home or not. i really felt like it was God's calling to go now, or i'd have to wait til the Fall, or til even Passion (January). i was praying about how jobs would see me if they knew i was taking a trip, and would that turn them off to wanting to hire me if they wanted someone immediate, etc. well i just went ahead and booked the flight and started praying that if God would give me any interviews, that they would be before i left for MD.
it's literally 4 days before i leave, when i had a month to have this interview. and after i had my prayer answered, i was then consumed with that other worry: well, now that i am leaving so soon, and probably can't refund my flight, and was totally available all hours immediately, what am i gonna say at the interview and what will they think of that? so i was scared that now my permanent plans for home would turn me off as a candidate for the job.
i go in today, meet the owner, Steve, really sweet guy. who happens to have started up the church that i am also checking out along with Grace called E3..i enjoy the, free, fresh coffee, any way you want it during service :) anyways, i thought that was just such a cool connection i already had with him and i didn't even know who he was! now because i know Chick Fil A is very faith based, during my interview with both Brian and the other manager, i was very open about my faith and that it was how i based my work ethics, etc. and i also did the same with Steve. however, it is also by law, apparently, that the interviewer is not allowed to bring up things such as faith unless the interviewee brings it up first. so as i am bringing it up left and right, i got to know a little more about Steve and his missionary work. what's really cool is that Chick has flown him out to China to teach leadership workshops and on the side, he has been able to preach the Gospel. HOW COOL!
so he stops me in the middle of something and tells me that he is trying really hard to get in touch with this woman and for her to meet me, as he is on his phone and things like that. and he has left the table. for a minute, i was a bit nervous, thinking that i've said too much about God and my faith and that i kind of abused the privilege of it being a Christian company and going off like that, haha. i didn't know what was going on! and so he finally comes back and also has this woman, Pam sitting next to him. turns out she is his marketing director and the marketing team and him had been praying for awhile for the right candidate to fill a position! Steve and Pam were very vocal about this surprise, as Chick never advertises job openings, especially for their marketing, and here i was, waiting almost a whole month to meet Steve, still looking for a job, and had all this crazy experience with retail, customer service, and food, AND had a degree in the right field. all Steve kept saying was that this whole meeting was God divine. and our meeting was really, a testimony to all three of us of God's awesome orchestration. he also said, the way he was conducting this whole interview, as never been done before (bringing the director of marketing to interview with him)
he says he would call me tomorrow, friday, on the phone to let me know if he would like me to take the marketing job. if not, i still get a position as a cashier at his store. according to him, he really sees that i could be a fit for this marketing job if not for his company. and i was a bit skeptical about how experienced i needed to be in the marketing field, and he was very re assuring that everything he and Pam know about marketing, has been just by learning-on-the-go experience as they've started this department, so that was a relief. they were also praising me and were very caught by interest about my story: moving here to Tallahassee, with no one or family with me. and just seeking God in all areas and trying to find His purpose. hahaha. it was just really, really cool.
so i got to talk to both of them about their ministry work and they both seem really solid in their faith, as they use it in the workplace, and how they serve at their respective churches with such joy, it was just really cool. Pam, serves children's ministry at a Chinese church. so they both have connections to Chinese and yet don't speak a word of it :D haha. well technically, neither do i, but the other Chinese language ;)
so finally, towards the end of the meeting, Steve gave me the booklet for me to read over of what is expected of all employees, etc. He just felt led that with my ample experience, he could use someone in the marketing or different position other than being in the kitchen making sandwiches, where there really isn't a challenge (for me at least with my experience). it would be a higher pay and also i wouldn't have to wear their uniforms. i cannot tell you how long i have been praying for just a little entry level position of something in my field since i finished school two years ago. i had been looking and applying all this time, and only getting odd jobs that have nothing to do with what i learned in school. then i started getting discouraged and gave up all together about applying for Communication positions and just stuck with applying for random jobs, as it seemed like i had more chances of getting. and here today, without even realizing it, and neither Steve or Pam realizing it, i was all of a sudden offered a job in my field. incredible.
then i had to bring up my concern, which was my trip. they were so gracious about it. i was apologetic and offered to come back sooner, but he was so kind and told me to have fun and said whichever position he ends up giving me, will be waiting for me when i come back. i know a huge part of me wants this marketing position, so i can wear my nice clothes and finally learn something other than just regular customer service and serving food, but to finally serve the community in the broader, bigger spectrum and to have the opportunity to use and harness and reshape the tools and education i learned for 5 years before they all go to waste. but i know, i will be forever grateful for just THIS door being held open for me til i get back. and even if i do end up getting the cashier job, there is always room to learn, always room to serve, and i can always have opportunity to grow and advance in other parts of the company in due time.
since the week i went down for VBS, i had been debating if i should take a trip home or not. i really felt like it was God's calling to go now, or i'd have to wait til the Fall, or til even Passion (January). i was praying about how jobs would see me if they knew i was taking a trip, and would that turn them off to wanting to hire me if they wanted someone immediate, etc. well i just went ahead and booked the flight and started praying that if God would give me any interviews, that they would be before i left for MD.
it's literally 4 days before i leave, when i had a month to have this interview. and after i had my prayer answered, i was then consumed with that other worry: well, now that i am leaving so soon, and probably can't refund my flight, and was totally available all hours immediately, what am i gonna say at the interview and what will they think of that? so i was scared that now my permanent plans for home would turn me off as a candidate for the job.
i go in today, meet the owner, Steve, really sweet guy. who happens to have started up the church that i am also checking out along with Grace called E3..i enjoy the, free, fresh coffee, any way you want it during service :) anyways, i thought that was just such a cool connection i already had with him and i didn't even know who he was! now because i know Chick Fil A is very faith based, during my interview with both Brian and the other manager, i was very open about my faith and that it was how i based my work ethics, etc. and i also did the same with Steve. however, it is also by law, apparently, that the interviewer is not allowed to bring up things such as faith unless the interviewee brings it up first. so as i am bringing it up left and right, i got to know a little more about Steve and his missionary work. what's really cool is that Chick has flown him out to China to teach leadership workshops and on the side, he has been able to preach the Gospel. HOW COOL!
so he stops me in the middle of something and tells me that he is trying really hard to get in touch with this woman and for her to meet me, as he is on his phone and things like that. and he has left the table. for a minute, i was a bit nervous, thinking that i've said too much about God and my faith and that i kind of abused the privilege of it being a Christian company and going off like that, haha. i didn't know what was going on! and so he finally comes back and also has this woman, Pam sitting next to him. turns out she is his marketing director and the marketing team and him had been praying for awhile for the right candidate to fill a position! Steve and Pam were very vocal about this surprise, as Chick never advertises job openings, especially for their marketing, and here i was, waiting almost a whole month to meet Steve, still looking for a job, and had all this crazy experience with retail, customer service, and food, AND had a degree in the right field. all Steve kept saying was that this whole meeting was God divine. and our meeting was really, a testimony to all three of us of God's awesome orchestration. he also said, the way he was conducting this whole interview, as never been done before (bringing the director of marketing to interview with him)
he says he would call me tomorrow, friday, on the phone to let me know if he would like me to take the marketing job. if not, i still get a position as a cashier at his store. according to him, he really sees that i could be a fit for this marketing job if not for his company. and i was a bit skeptical about how experienced i needed to be in the marketing field, and he was very re assuring that everything he and Pam know about marketing, has been just by learning-on-the-go experience as they've started this department, so that was a relief. they were also praising me and were very caught by interest about my story: moving here to Tallahassee, with no one or family with me. and just seeking God in all areas and trying to find His purpose. hahaha. it was just really, really cool.
so i got to talk to both of them about their ministry work and they both seem really solid in their faith, as they use it in the workplace, and how they serve at their respective churches with such joy, it was just really cool. Pam, serves children's ministry at a Chinese church. so they both have connections to Chinese and yet don't speak a word of it :D haha. well technically, neither do i, but the other Chinese language ;)
so finally, towards the end of the meeting, Steve gave me the booklet for me to read over of what is expected of all employees, etc. He just felt led that with my ample experience, he could use someone in the marketing or different position other than being in the kitchen making sandwiches, where there really isn't a challenge (for me at least with my experience). it would be a higher pay and also i wouldn't have to wear their uniforms. i cannot tell you how long i have been praying for just a little entry level position of something in my field since i finished school two years ago. i had been looking and applying all this time, and only getting odd jobs that have nothing to do with what i learned in school. then i started getting discouraged and gave up all together about applying for Communication positions and just stuck with applying for random jobs, as it seemed like i had more chances of getting. and here today, without even realizing it, and neither Steve or Pam realizing it, i was all of a sudden offered a job in my field. incredible.
then i had to bring up my concern, which was my trip. they were so gracious about it. i was apologetic and offered to come back sooner, but he was so kind and told me to have fun and said whichever position he ends up giving me, will be waiting for me when i come back. i know a huge part of me wants this marketing position, so i can wear my nice clothes and finally learn something other than just regular customer service and serving food, but to finally serve the community in the broader, bigger spectrum and to have the opportunity to use and harness and reshape the tools and education i learned for 5 years before they all go to waste. but i know, i will be forever grateful for just THIS door being held open for me til i get back. and even if i do end up getting the cashier job, there is always room to learn, always room to serve, and i can always have opportunity to grow and advance in other parts of the company in due time.
this past Sunday, i went to Grace and this new Bible Study that's on Sunday nights (the Thursday one doesn't start up again til Aug. i have been at this new Study for the 2nd time now) both sermons preached on two completely different passages of the Bible. the speakers were different ages and of different backgrounds. one was at church, one was at someone's house. two different ways of preaching..... and yet both came together like a beautiful song God was singing to me. when i went to Grace, i took great notes and was so encouraged by what Ben (bible study leader) was preaching on. i was grateful God was lifting up my heart again through everything that has happened.... and then that night, i was just wow-ed that God was yet again encouraging me with the same message He had earlier that day. i just could. not. believe it. and you know what it was? messages on choosing JOY in all trials. knowing that when we are crying out to God, it's because we know He is faithful and near to be able to hear our cries. praising God above everything is what glorifies Him most, and to give it all to Him. ah!!! crazy right?!? it's the weekend, and my roommate coincidentally, is in D.C. (real close to MD) for the weekend for a business conference, so i won't see her until i get back from my trip. i watched two Christian movies: End of the Spear and Courageous. both of which i am proud to say, i BAWLED like a baby watching. i could barely keep myself together during my interview today because of everything God was orchestrating right before my eyes. but then when i came home, i totally just jumped around and squealed and COULD NOT stop smiling the whole drive home.
i wanted to write all this out to as a testimony of a Light that flickers even in the darkest of darkness.
i want to give my life to Christ again. i just really feel this desire to give my life over to Christ after what has happened today. and to fully trust in all circumstances. and not let my mom be my god or belittle my God. i want to give my life over to Christ again, in the process to receive (and hold onto dearly for use!) His Holy Spirit and strength and boldness to share His love with my mom this time when i come home. i want to tell her how much i am hurting with her drinking, and to ask God to help me break down a barrier so that we can both be in a place where we are vulnerable and finally be honest with each other. by God's grace, i want to pray with her. i've been praying for an opportunity, and i have been such a chicken. i've finally texted her a verse, but that has only been once, and that has only been since i've moved out here.
but i really want to exalt God freely and boldly to be a brighter witness to so many of the lost that are near and dear to my heart. can i humbly ask you to pray this with me? and may you in anyway, help me with doing this? i know i definitely need all the Swords and Truth and encouragements i can get!
MAY ALL THE GLORY BE IN GOD'S NAME!
but i really want to exalt God freely and boldly to be a brighter witness to so many of the lost that are near and dear to my heart. can i humbly ask you to pray this with me? and may you in anyway, help me with doing this? i know i definitely need all the Swords and Truth and encouragements i can get!
MAY ALL THE GLORY BE IN GOD'S NAME!
