it's midnight...it's the last week of summer (thank God..sometimes) at the moment i am looking at textbook prices and parking permits...

pick up the bro wednesday (don't know what time yet..)

pick up mom thursday (don't know what time yet either..)

all the girls are home now!!! (YAY!!)

apt. key pick up and move in as early as the 27th (SOOOO STOKED!!)

caregroup goes out to the zoo Sunday the 30th
school starts Monday the 31st

planning baptism soon.........(YIKES!)

still holding down the fort at 7-Eleven, going to church and caregroup, been home alone most of the time, but best of all..

God is constantly stirring up my heart, making me vulnerable, seeking, trusting, loving :o)

oh, it's Your light
oh, it's Your way
pull me out of the dark
just to shoulder the weight
cryin' out now
from so far away
You pull me closer to Love

closer to Love

i'm holding down the fort at home and at the 7-Eleven while the madre's gone...hopefully she will be back on the 27th...

trusting, trusting God.

at the moment, it just occurred to me how i feel like the asian Noah, because all i am surrounded by is animals. i am going to be home alone until mom gets back. got the dog, three rats, and two fish. and they all are hanging out in my room. hehehee

it's hard to remember what day it is since i'm out of school and you don't write the date down or anything. but alas, this week has been good. i am enjoying caregroup more and more and just SO thankful for it, and it's only been my second one! i like the group and i like my caregroup leaders a lot.

last night i realized i got to spend my day with kelly and kelley, hahaa. my day of kell(e)y quota is met!! sometimes it just wows me how i still keep in touch with my high school teacher, kelly. and that i even get to call her kelly instead of a mrs. it's so cool to see her raising a baby girl and for us to still get together from time to time and talk about God!!! after having breakfast with her, my afternoon plans got cancelled, so i got to meet my friend, kelley from church, at her work in bowie. i was getting hungry..so i was kinda glad that my other plans didn't work out. i missed the shrimp!! and her too =P i was in good company and enjoyed great food, even dessert!

came home, and just was so content with the day. and all that food hit just the spot! i spent the rest of the night in watching movies in my room. all the animals and i enjoyed each other's company and totally chilled.

peace.

i still pinch myself from time to time because i get to live with four amazing Godly women for a whole year...whoa.

praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens-Psalm 68:19

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29 ♥ ♥

God, i'm trying to trust. i'm crying out to You with all i have

be merciful to me Lord, for i am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. my life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak.-Psalm 31:9-10

God, my soul is troubled. my heart is not still. my mind is racing. get me out, get me out of this desert. do You hear me when i cry?

summer, is that really you?!

found out today i passed one of my hard classes!! YAY! at first when summer sessions started, i thought, "okay, this summer won't be so bad, these classes are easy..i'll get through them, no problem" that may have been true for the first two classes i took, but my second batch, was RIDICULOUSLY HARD!! SO much writing and studying for tests...it was crazy!!

taking 4 upper level classes in 10 weeks was nuts, unwise, and physically draining..this week (last week of summer classes, i only got 12 hours of sleep!) but hopefully when i find out i passed my last class, it will be rewarded because i will be able to graduate!!

there are so many words to describe this summer. both good and bad. this summer has made me cry a lot. crying physically and crying out to God. begging Him to help me, to help save someone, to help take their pain away. i've always been able to just look back at where i've been all these years and see such growth, it's just crazy. it awes me. to think just three years ago, i was walking on my own, and with no one to really guide me or help me make sure i was walking in the light in the right way, i still made it.

are You proud of me?

God has continually blessed me with more friends..who are genuine in their kindness towards me. a home church (eek! it still boggles my mind!!), a caregroup (finally! and i know half the girls, holla!), the Bible (i got to read SO much this summer..it's got so much color in it!)

GRACE

God taught me compassion towards others who are mean and don't treat you with any respect (7/29/09 POST) and to just keep learning and loving others. there are so many times when i drive up or from Towson, or even just from church or some place where i got to hang out with someone, that i'd just smile REAL big. just thinking about God and He's just right there with me. all these seeds blooming into such rich fruit. there isn't a reason in the world not to smile while driving down 270 or 95 :-D

but there have also been times where i felt like i was still in the desert, crying out for any water, any help. for so long it seems like some prayers have not yet been answered. when God, when? are You listening? do You care? do You see these people i love in need of a Savior? show Yourself!

i updated my testimony (7/27/09 POST) and it's so amazing to me that through all that. coming home from hanging out and having a great day, drastically turns into misery as i come home. someone takes away my joy. this place, this house, my faith suffers...but, i'm still here. still alive. still fighting.

still holding onto to hope. how much do i really have left? replenish me God. in abundance. give me rest.

when i am still and just close my eyes to flashbacks and to my life now, more than anything i'll cry out of joy. just pure joy. the God that came to me three years ago, is an even bigger God to me today. the small and blinded Carmen, still feels small sometimes but is out there preaching the Gospel and pouring out God's love to others.

it is well
with my soul
it is well
with my soul

it's the last day of summer classes tomorrow!!! i am SO burnt out. still gotta put together my really long paper and study for my final...all nighter..ahh. vacay, where are you? i need my summer. i've been in school since spring semester let out..and in a couple of weeks, fall semester starts up. God, i CANNOT tell You how much i am looking forward to moving out and moving into a new apartment with these girls i love and care for so much!

"when I thought,"My foot slips," Your steadfast Love, O LORD,held me up.when the cares of my heart are many,Your consolations cheer my soul."-Psalm 94:18-19