never go equipped without compassion...

so while in the shower today, i thought of this..and now it is currently my Facebook status-"even if i had the world at my feet and proclaimed to live my life in the image of Christ, it would be like dust in the wind if i did not show compassion for His people-fellow believers, the poor, the brokenhearted, and the unsaved. all it takes is to meet people where they are and God will do the rest ♥ ♥ "

i am so glad God put that on my heart and i could word it like so. what happened last night is still sinking in. i'm in shock......

so as if things at home were bad, things at my apartment in Towson are too. a roommate of mine doesn't have a job and has had a hard time paying rent and such. since last August, i have been paying for her part of the bills and now that i have recently lost my job, i just can't keep up without any money coming from her.

this has been a constant trial for me because it always comes into mind when other struggles pop up, and everything just starts ambushing me. it has been so hard to let go and to give it to God. to trust Him that some way, some how, i would get the money back. but it always left me uncertain. i, myself, have been scraping for change to pay for rent and to pay for these bills. it just was so unfair that i stepped up being responsible for this situation, when i really shouldn't and didn't need to. but alas,

so last night after coming home from the gym, i was home alone on my computer checking e-mails and Facebook. soon after, my roommate comes home. she's on the phone, talking loudly. she starts venting to her friend about all these things she's struggling with and just all this drama. she starts crying. in so much despair.

as i am overhearing all this, i just found myself going onto biblegateway.com and i typed in "compassion" as a keyword...
but You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.-Nehemiah 9:17

it just hits me right in the gut. i decided that i finally needed to shower and think this idea over. during my shower, i was talking to myself, saying i was crazy for even thinking this and wondering why it even came to mind! then before i got out, i said, "alright, let's do this!"

i gathered up all the courage i could, and i asked my roommate if she would like some dinner. by the end of the night, we had omlettes, dinner, and beer.

afterwards, i couraged up and told her we needed to talk about this financial situation with the bills. i shared with her my concerns and she shared me her side of the story. in the end, i was reassured that she would find a way to pay me back as soon as she was financially stable.

then she brought up our personal issues with each other. it has been in the past, but it still affects our relationship now, and that's what makes us being roommates, awkward. we explained our sides and got to understand a little better what happened. she apologized and didn't want things to go down the way they did.

at first, this story may seem kind of silly. but it pulls at my heart. God pulled at my heart. it took just this one day, from when i started venting to my friend about this roommate and being angry about it, to serving her with dinner and company. it's been two years since we've acknowledged each other with respect. everytime we've had a conversation, it always got out of hand, full of yelling and swearing.

for once, we actually had a civil, mature conversation. no more rude remarks or swearing at me. it still seems like it was all a dream. now i can say i am nice and i love serving people. i could have done this a million times, but i didn't.

ALL it took was for God to meet me right where i was and whisper, "carmen, you know what to do..."